Long overdue, Part two
As you must have realized by now, this has been a loooooooooong ordeal. Little did I know that going into the hospital for elective, preventative surgery would leave me fighting for my life and enduring emergency procedures.
I came home just two days before Thanksgiving. It was amazing to drive through the streets of our neighborhood on our way home from the hospital. I felt like I was seeing everything for the first time ... Houses had changed, landscaping had changed, we even had new neighbors. And I can't even describe how it felt to enter our house for the first time. While I was in the hospital, I felt myself forgetting what our home looked like. I made Hubby take pictures of it for me so that I could look at it whenever I wanted. But actually sitting on our own couch in our own living room surrounded by our canine kids, Josie and Sierra just felt awesome. I cried. Of course.
I spent the next few weeks building up my strength. Relatives and friends took turns staying with us so that I wasn't alone. I first walked with a cane, couldn't get up from sitting (whether it was the couch, bed or toilet), couldn't make it up the stairs and was scared to be alone. My sister stayed with me the first few days, then it was my aunt's turn.
My aunt had only been there one day when we got a call. My grandmother, who was living in Illinois, died. My Mimi, who I always bragged was the perfect grandmother, passed away in her sleep. I couldn't believe this was happening. After all I had been through, and after all my family had been through, how could we handle letting her go right then? Now I was not only crying for me, I was crying for her.
I thank God, though, that I was out of the hospital. I truly believe she kept her strength through my ordeal. Once she knew I was okay, she just let go. I remember calling her for the first time after my trach was removed. I surprised her by calling from my hospital room. She was so happy to hear my voice after so long, that she broke into tears. I remember telling her that she shouldn't cry, that everything was okay, and that I loved her. We talked a few more times that remaining week. We even talked the day she died. She said that hearing my voice on the phone that first time was the happiest day of her life. I'm so grateful I could give her that.
But I couldn't go to the funeral. I didn't feel comfortable making the long trip and was on a short leash by my doctors. They told me it was my decision and I wanted to be there, but I just knew that Mimi would want me to recover and that I wasn't strong enough yet. But I wrote a memorial, a tribute, to the grandmother I love, and my sister read it at the service.
The rest of my recovery at home has been pretty uneventful. I slowly became stronger, no longer needing physical therapists to work with me at home, and I stopped having to take IV antibiotics right before Christmas. Hubby had been administering those every morning to prevent infection from building up on the artificial part of my aorta.
The only lingering question is whether or not I will need to have a defibrillator implanted. My heart became so weakened in the heart attack, that it isn't performing at a normal level. A few of my doctors are pretty confident, though, that it will return to normal, so we are holding off on that decision until the end of March.
On January 2, I finally went back to work. I went back part time for two weeks, but it was amazing just to feel like things were getting back to normal.
Now, I'm working full time. And I'm taking the train home from work, though Hubby still drives me in the morning. In fact, things I returned so much to the way they were before all of this, that it almost feels like a dream. While in the hospital, I couldn't imagine my life ever being normal. Now I can't imagine spending all that time in a hospital bed.
I've returned several times to try to thank as many people as I can. There are so many doctors and nurses that I credit with saving my life on many occasions. I know I will never be able to track down every single one of them, but I'm doing my best to make sure they know how they impacted with me, and how my heart will carry that love and appreciation for the rest of my (hopefully now a long and full) life.
I came home just two days before Thanksgiving. It was amazing to drive through the streets of our neighborhood on our way home from the hospital. I felt like I was seeing everything for the first time ... Houses had changed, landscaping had changed, we even had new neighbors. And I can't even describe how it felt to enter our house for the first time. While I was in the hospital, I felt myself forgetting what our home looked like. I made Hubby take pictures of it for me so that I could look at it whenever I wanted. But actually sitting on our own couch in our own living room surrounded by our canine kids, Josie and Sierra just felt awesome. I cried. Of course.
I spent the next few weeks building up my strength. Relatives and friends took turns staying with us so that I wasn't alone. I first walked with a cane, couldn't get up from sitting (whether it was the couch, bed or toilet), couldn't make it up the stairs and was scared to be alone. My sister stayed with me the first few days, then it was my aunt's turn.
My aunt had only been there one day when we got a call. My grandmother, who was living in Illinois, died. My Mimi, who I always bragged was the perfect grandmother, passed away in her sleep. I couldn't believe this was happening. After all I had been through, and after all my family had been through, how could we handle letting her go right then? Now I was not only crying for me, I was crying for her.
I thank God, though, that I was out of the hospital. I truly believe she kept her strength through my ordeal. Once she knew I was okay, she just let go. I remember calling her for the first time after my trach was removed. I surprised her by calling from my hospital room. She was so happy to hear my voice after so long, that she broke into tears. I remember telling her that she shouldn't cry, that everything was okay, and that I loved her. We talked a few more times that remaining week. We even talked the day she died. She said that hearing my voice on the phone that first time was the happiest day of her life. I'm so grateful I could give her that.
But I couldn't go to the funeral. I didn't feel comfortable making the long trip and was on a short leash by my doctors. They told me it was my decision and I wanted to be there, but I just knew that Mimi would want me to recover and that I wasn't strong enough yet. But I wrote a memorial, a tribute, to the grandmother I love, and my sister read it at the service.
The rest of my recovery at home has been pretty uneventful. I slowly became stronger, no longer needing physical therapists to work with me at home, and I stopped having to take IV antibiotics right before Christmas. Hubby had been administering those every morning to prevent infection from building up on the artificial part of my aorta.
The only lingering question is whether or not I will need to have a defibrillator implanted. My heart became so weakened in the heart attack, that it isn't performing at a normal level. A few of my doctors are pretty confident, though, that it will return to normal, so we are holding off on that decision until the end of March.
On January 2, I finally went back to work. I went back part time for two weeks, but it was amazing just to feel like things were getting back to normal.
Now, I'm working full time. And I'm taking the train home from work, though Hubby still drives me in the morning. In fact, things I returned so much to the way they were before all of this, that it almost feels like a dream. While in the hospital, I couldn't imagine my life ever being normal. Now I can't imagine spending all that time in a hospital bed.
I've returned several times to try to thank as many people as I can. There are so many doctors and nurses that I credit with saving my life on many occasions. I know I will never be able to track down every single one of them, but I'm doing my best to make sure they know how they impacted with me, and how my heart will carry that love and appreciation for the rest of my (hopefully now a long and full) life.
posted by Kristen at 8:48 AM
2 Comments:
Sorry about your grandma.
Sounds like life is getting back to normal. I'm sure you are a stronger person after going through this whole ordeal.
As always, you are welcome to borrow my Mimi if you need one. She just so happens to be the perfect grandmother, too! :-)
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