Mobilizing the troops

There is no question. I have the most amazing friends and family one could possibly have.

Since I started spreading the word of my upcoming surgery, everyone has sprung into action. I have family high-tailing it into town — Hubby's mom, my dad with whom I'm slightly estranged (where the heck does that stand now?), my fabulous sister, Hubby's fabulous sister. I also have friends trying to make plans to drive in so I'm not bored, and they are even pledging to bring DVDs and play Trivial Pursuit. And I have more friends and otherwise-unknown blog readers posting messages of encouragement (Thank you so much! I truly appreciate them!)

And I even have a theme song.

Thanks to one of my bestest friends Clare, iTunes delivered to me the gift of Janis Joplin's "Piece of my Heart." As Clare put it, it's an excellent "kicking heart surgery's ass" theme song.

The Christmas after my mom died, Clare made me a CD that I still treasure. I always made sure I had it with me — that is, until I downloaded it into my iPod. It was titled "Comfort and Joy," and included songs Clare felt would get me through my grief. She also got this newest recommendation right — I definitely need to kick some heart surgery ass.

Meanwhile, I'm just getting everything in order for my mandated vacation from work. If anyone wants to visit (probably best to limit it to only those of you I actually know), you're more than welcome. I won't be allowed to drive for six weeks, so you'll know where to find me!

Operation: Aortic Freedom

Well, I'm sure I've worn out the suspense by now, and it's time I come clean. I (well, and Hubby) are preparing ourselves for the biggest medical decision I have made in my life. I am having open-heart surgery in just a little more than two weeks.

I have a condition called Marfan Syndrome. No one ever recognizes that name until I tell them its what "they" thought that Abraham Lincoln had. It's a connective tissue disorder that affects many aspects of your body. It's why I'm so tall (6'2") and thin. Yes, I know, I should have modeled. But I have ... my leg appeared once in Time Magazine when I was an intern there and they used it to illustrate sunless tanners. It's also why I'm double-jointed, am near-sighted and a host of other things. But the biggest characteristic of Marfan Syndrome is that the aorta, or main artery leading away from the heart, can enlarge and tear or dissect.

I've known I had Marfan Syndrome since I was 3 years old, so I don't remember a time that I didn't know I had it. And up until recently, my mom was the only other person I knew with it. She passed away from an aortic dissection in 2000 because she was too scared to have the surgery. And that's what brings me to today. They will go in and replace the part of my aorta that is enlarged.

I'm having it because I don't want to be scared. I want to live. I want to love my husband. I want to start a family. I want laugh with my friends. I want to go further in my career. And I want to grow old. With my husband. I want to sit on our porch swing at 80 years old (probably somewhere in Colorado if he has his way) and look back at this decision as the wisest one I have ever made.

And I think it is. It's less risky for me to do the surgery than to wait it out and see what happens. My surgeon has a 100% success rate, and has done 130 of the procedure.

But I'm still scared.

I'm also sad. I'm sad because this means I could possibly miss my best friend's wedding. I'm going to try my hardest to be there, but I hate the thought of sitting at home while she is experiencing one of the most important days of her life. It's my job to be there to fix her veil and train, and to offer my friendship as she marries that man she loves.

I'm scared to miss that, too.

Ultimately, I know things will work out. I know I'm going to be okay, and I know Nikki will be okay if I'm not there.

I'm still scared.